You are a Diva if…
you are not doing what others expect you to do at all times.
Or at least that is the impression I’m getting lately. Diva (along with narcissist) is a word I see and hear quite frequently. Sometimes diva is said tongue in check and a term a woman applies to herself, and other times it’s a putdown used against others. A recent blog post I read has me thinking about this a lot today and mostly because it has hurt people. Good people. Wonderful, hardworking, loving, giving women stretched almost to the point of breaking are made to feel that devoting time to their own dreams and goals is wrong. Sinful.
For most people, time is the most valuable and limited resource. Between jobs, second jobs (writing for some authors), family, household, volunteering most people are hanging on and just managing to get everything done. And sometimes tasks are not done and it adds on a layer of guilt and makes a person feel unworthy. Lacking.
Instead of trying to ease the burden, some are heaping on more guilt by labeling people divas or narcissists because they aren’t doing enough for others. And interesting to me, the “others” the labeler seems to be talking about is themselves. In these hand slaps, what I hear loud and clear is basically, “Using your time on yourself, and not me or what I say is important, makes you a Diva.”
Sadly, this phenomena seems to be more prevalent in Christian organizations and circles. If a woman (and yes, it’s usually a woman it’s directed at) isn’t giving all her ‘free’ time or personal time to causes and in support of others dreams and goals then she is a Diva with a capital D. To make sure she gets the point, some version of the “God is not happy with you” quote is throw in. I think sometimes in our quest to prove ourselves a good Christian to the world and make God love us, we forget 1. pointing out others ‘faults’/’sinful’ behavior isn’t proof and 2. He already does.
We do not know all that is happening in a person’s life at any given moment. Sometimes I don’t even know what is happening in mine. When someone doesn’t step up the way you feel they should, doesn’t do enough for you, it doesn’t mean they are a Diva. It could mean they have a lack of time. It could mean they’re struggling. It could mean they need your help.
“Do onto others as you would have them do unto you” should be said and thought of with a loving and giving spirit, not with a self-righteous and punishing spirit. As bling does not make a Diva, nor does having limited time to help others in their pursuits make a writer a Diva.
5 thoughts on “You are a Diva if — Not!”
So true! If you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll fall apart. I’ve had to learn that as a wife and mother, and as a writer. And that means saying a nice loud “No” sometimes… MANY times! Diva? Nope. Realistic. Limited. Freaking tired at the end of the day. No one needs a guilt trip.
Do you think it is harder to not judge others when you are passionate about something? It seems to me that sometimes the very things God has given us to excel at are the things we mangle most because we want to do them for Him instead of with Him.
Then instead of admitting our need of God, we grumble about not getting help from those around us. I’m only speaking from experience….
That’s a good question, Gloria. In thinking about this, being passionate about something might be the driving force behind judging others. It’s hard to believe others don’t find something as important as we do and not doing the same comes across as the other person being unsupportive. I think it also comes from believing if we have time to do something others should to because we are ‘just as busy’. Everyone’s lives, obligations and energy levels are different.
There have been times I’ve thought I’m doing something for God, when in reality I’m doing it for me, and using His name as a way of proving my point rather than His love. When that’s done, others are hurt and I try and be aware of that.
Christina, well said. I am not a member of the AFCW. I am religious, though, a Catholic, and I practice my faith deeply. I believe in “Do unto others” and I try hard not to judge others because it isn’t my place to judge. On occasions I do fall short, and when I do I meditate and pray for strength and guidance and forgiveness. Ultimately, we’re here to learn and support each other as best we can and I think to give others that, you have to have it within you and you’ve got to be strong in those convictions. It’s that strength and makes you “not a diva.”